Because I'm Not Myself, You See by Ariane Beeston | Black Inc.
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Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See
Because I'm Not Myself, You See

‘[O]ne of the most moving books I've read in the past year.’ —Tim Douglas, The Weekend Australian

Because I'm Not Myself, You See: A Memoir of Motherhood, Madness and Coming Back From the Brink

Awards for Because I'm Not Myself, You See

  • Longlisted, 2024 Mark and Evette Moran Nib Literary Award

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About the author

Ariane Beeston

Ariane Beeston is a former child protection caseworker and psychologist with NSW's Department of Communities and Justice. She was a staff writer at Fairfax Media's Essential Baby and Essential Kids and has also published articles …

More about Ariane Beeston



Praise for Because I'm Not Myself, You See

‘Both riveting and informative, this is an unflinching look at what it is like from inside postpartum psychosis. Writing with insight and compassion, Beeston weaves in research on perinatal mental health and society's attitudes to motherhood alongside her own (impossible) determination to be the perfect mother.’  ––Anne Buist, Professor of Women’s Mental Health, University of Melbourne, and co-author with Graeme Simsion of The Glass House

‘Ariane Beeston's honesty, poetry and wisdom will save lives. This book is a vital contribution to a reality of some motherhoods that is so often overlooked in favour of stigma, shame and misunderstanding. With insights like Beeston's, we stand some chance of shifting the conversation around psychosis and recovery.’ ––Anna Spargo-Ryan, author of A Kind of Magic

‘Blistering, beautiful, true: Ariane Beeston exposes the myth of new motherhood as a loved-up dream, revealing how the transition to motherhood is sometimes a perilous one, and love for our babies hard-won. Written with a careful brilliance, it makes a case against secrecy and shame, and advocates for honesty, empathy and love.’ ––Susan Johnson, author of From Where I Fell and Aphrodite's Breath

‘A memoir like no other … Beeston manages the rare trick of making complex ideas about mental health and its absence comprehensible to lay readers, as well as making this dark time sing with mordant humour on the page.’ —Geordie Williamson, The Australian
 

‘This is a beautifully written, raw and important memoir for anyone who has had a baby. Even if you have not struggled with mental health, the context in which all women in Australia mother is fundamental to understanding so many of the issues we have in our society. Ariane writes so honestly, and holds your hand through her struggles and coming out the other side.’ —Daisy Turnbull

'This book is for anyone who has had a baby and felt not quite right, or for family and friends desperate to help but not knowing how. It is also for the health professionals who care for them ... This is brave and vulnerable and raw and a much needed story of hope.' —Kylie Orr, author of Someone Else's Child

'The writing is so evocative, her voice both true and unique. I’ve laughed and cried, and been shocked by how poorly perinatal health is understood in this country ... I feel this book deep in my bones, especially the dark humour.' —Carly-Jay Metcalfe, author of Breath

'This book is smart, important and unflinching. It stands on the cliff and dives off with one brave breath. Ariane Beeston gives voice to what many women experience at varying levels and in doing so will make others feel less alone.' —Megan Rogers, author of The Heart Is a Star
 

'...a book that could be lifesaving when it falls into the right hands.' —Emily Westmoreland, Books+Publishing

‘[O]ne of the most moving books I've read in the past year.’ —Tim Douglas, The Weekend Australian

‘For a memoir with such a heavy subject, Beeston approaches it with kindness and candidness, as well as necessary humour without sugarcoating the truth of postpartum psychosis.’ —Madison Burland, Honi Soit

‘This is a fine piece of writing, a brutally honest work that speaks to the experience of early motherhood in a way that will chime with readers who have found recognition or solace in books like Nicola Redhouse’s Unlike the Heart or Jessica Friedman’s Things That Helped.’ —Alison Huber, Readings

‘Ariane Beeston smashes the romantic myth of motherhood in her memoir Because I’m Not Myself, You See. In 20 short, gripping, sad and moving chapters, Beeston explains her frightening experience of postpartum psychosis and depressive illness as a new young mother.’ —Catharine Coleborne, The Conversation

‘Ariane Beeston’s Because I’m Not Myself, You See is an honest chronicle of her journey of motherhood and postnatal psychosis recovery as a psychologist and child protection worker. Reflections, poetry and expert research.’ —Nicole Economos, Sydney Morning Herald

‘Ariane Beeston’s excoriating memoir explores postpartum depression, anxiety and psychosis with a clear-eyed and unflinching gaze. [...] Beeston’s measured prose renders her story chilling, necessary and unforgettable.’ —Heidi Maier, The Big Issue

'courageous [ ... ] this closely focused account of Beeston’s experience includes her sense of having failed as a mother, with the purpose of raising awareness.'—Felicity Plunkett, The Saturday Paper

‘This biography shows mothers who may be suffering, or their loved ones, that recovery from severe perinatal mental illness is possible – and that life on the other side can be full of purpose and joy.’ —Rama Gaind, PSNews

‘This new memoir of one woman’s journey through hell and back is an amazing read for anyone, regardless of whether they have experienced the birth of a child or not.’ — Editor, Child Mags